The Stories We Tell Ourselves

I think it is only right to begin this post with a story.

Once upon a time there was a young peasant living in a small village. Every day he walked a certain path, sprinkled oats for the ducks, and walked back home. One day as he was walking the path, a small rock lay where he was about to step. Unfortunately, he didn’t see the rock and it caused his ankle to twist making him fall. His oats spilled across the path and he scuffed his hand and knee.

He was immediately irate and slammed his hand on the ground in frustration.

“Why do these things always happen to me?” he thought.

For the rest of the day his mind replayed the event and he became increasingly angry at the unfairness. He began to notice more unfair treatment and used it as fuel for his cyclic thoughts: the baker must have given him the smallest loaf of bread on purpose, his friend didn’t warn him about the horse dung before he stepped in it, etc. He became more and more bitter.

Rewind

Let’s go back to the moment after he scuffed his knee.

He was immediately irate and slammed his hand on the ground in frustration.

“Well that was lousy,” he thought.

For the rest of the day if the event came to mind he rolled his eyes and was grateful it wasn’t worse. He began to notice that other people had inconveniences as well: the baker ran out of flour and needed to send his apprentice to get more, a child stubbed her toe, etc. He became more and more grateful.

Purpose

What is the difference here? Although there are a lot of similarities (i.e. The peasant tripped in both stories, got frustrated, and remembered the bad thing that happened), there was one key difference. His perception and thoughts about the event.

Despite this being an incredibly silly story it illustrates the point I’m trying to make. We all experience hard things and feel difficult emotions. The difference lies in how we perceive and think of the events, or our attitudes towards them.

Choosing resilient and positive thoughts can lead to:

• Increased life span
• Lower rates of depression
• Lower levels of distress and pain
• Greater resistance to illnesses
• Improved psychological and physical well-being
• Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease and stroke
• Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress

(source) This link also includes ways to recognize your negative thoughts.

I frequently feel unwell, and actually am in a bout of the stomach flu currently. It’s too easy to feel hopeless, search for someone or something to blame, and become depressed and angry. My most common method of dealing with these moments is the powerful tool of DISTRACTION. If I absorb myself in something, I can no longer dwell on how I feel or what I can do.

In the context of our peasant story that could be him distracting himself by cheering up the child who stubbed her toe. The way we perceive an event and our inner dialogue about it has a powerful influence on us. Try re-writing one of the stories you’ve been tell yourself. Let me know how it goes in the comments.