My husband kindly tries to get our daughter to let him be the one to help her and he even goes so far as to put on a sweatshirt.

Alas, it’s no use. She snuggles up to my side (I’m currently sleeping with a wedge pillow because pregnancy has given me a wicked case of heartburn. So she is practically sitting up completely in order to be by me).

“Do you need to go potty?” I ask her this, as we always do, and she gives the usual response.

“No.”

So I lead her back to bed, lay on the mat we put on her floor, and hope she will fall asleep soon. She plops onto the mat by me and scoots so close that her face is in my face.

I open my eyes to check if there’s progress towards sleep, and she beams at me.

This happens night after night after night. In the past month, I believe we’ve had 1 uninterrupted night of sleep.

When you have a chronic illness, you NEED sleep. When you’re pregnant, you NEED sleep. Conclusion? I NEED SLEEP.

But I have also chosen to be a mom, and that comes with sacrifices.

The question is, where does sacrifice end and self-neglect begin?

I propose that rather than determining exactly where we are on that spectrum, we should instead focus on what we can control:

Taking care of ourselves!

So my night sleep is interrupted. I can take a nap the next day. (no, it REALLY doesn’t make up for it. But I can’t control if my daughter wakes up or not, and I CAN control if I take a nap).

I had extra chores and errands, and am exhausted. I can sit on the couch and play “tired mom games” with my daughter.

Things like this, taking control of what we can actually control, brings us a greater feeling of confidence and independence.

If instead I refuse to take a nap and spend that time muttering about my bad night of sleep, or I resent my daughter for wanting to play with me and can’t enjoy a moment of it, that brings my overall wellness and quality of life down. I’ve included the serenity prayer below because it perfectly illustrates what I’m talking about.

CHOOSE to take better care of yourself in the small, seemingly insignificant moments.

I have two handouts and a free e-book that help simplify different ways to take care of yourself.

If you need help improving your sleep, click here.

If you want some simplification tips on meal prep, click here.

If you want a free ebook detailing how to reach a more peaceful life, click here.

The post Take Back Control of Your Life For More Joy first appeared on MS and Mo.

Despite the length of the ingredient list, this was a fairly simple recipe. And my husband said that he might actually like these brownies more than he likes non-banana brownies.

As long as you’re a chocolate and banana kind of person, these brownies are a win.

Things the recipe doesn’t say that I did

• I melted the butter first then let it sit for a little while to cool down so it wouldn’t scramble the eggs.
• Then I imperfectly smashed two bananas right in the bowl and didn’t measure how much it was.
• The brownies ended up needing an additional 15 minutes to cook since every time I went to check the brownies, the batter jiggled so much I didn’t even need to poke it.

I eat gluten-free, so I used a special flour for the recipe that’s supposed to be good enough to replace 1 for 1 regular flour. I don’t know if that’s why my brownies turned out looking so holey or if I did something else weird.

My hypothesis is that I had more banana in the batter than the recipe calls for.

Bird Dog

1. Begin in a crawling position
2. Move one arm out straight in front of you and extend the opposite leg behind you.
3. Tighten your abs and keep your hips level. Your body should remain firm and not wobble or shift.
4. Hold for a few seconds, then return to your hands and knees.
5. Switch to the other side.
6. Aim to complete five reps on each side or 10 reps total.

This exercise strengthens your core muscles: abs, glutes, hip flexors, pelvic floor.

(source)

The post 1 Easy Recipe + 1 Simple Exercise first appeared on MS and Mo.

The things I share today are from the view of the person who is sick or needing a caregiver. There are a lot of other resources for the actual caregiver like this, this, this, and this. There are not as many resources for what the caregivee (probably not a real word) can do to help. 

The things I will specifically mention are accepting the help, expressing gratitude, and encouraging them (the caregiver) to do things for themselves.

Accept the Help

It’s difficult to not be able to do everything yourself. It’s frustrating, annoying, and inconvenient. The truth is that there is nothing you can do about needing help. 

Firstly, all human beings need help. Secondly, as a chronically sick individual we WILL need more help. When I try to fight against being assisted it not only creates a lot of tension, but also makes the helper feel like helping you is a bad thing to be doing. 

Expressing gratitude

Saying thank you is a small way to improve relationships and it has health benefits as well! Some of these health benefits are a decrease in depression/anxiety, increasing heart health, and improvement of sleep. (source) 

Ways to practice gratitude: Verbally say thank you and write notes. You can also write in a gratitude journal, but that’s more for you than your caregiver.

Encourage time away

It’s vital for caregivers to get time to do things for themselves. If they pour themselves into the duties of taking care of someone and never allow breaks they can end up with “caregiver fatigue.” (source)

Once someone has entered the caregiver burnout stage it is more difficult and takes more time to recover than if they did things to take care of themselves all along.

Recognize that this point is to ENCOURAGE them to take time away. You can’t force anyone to take care of themselves or to do things in general.

Conclusion

These are things you can recommend anyone (including yourself) do. As I’ve made an effort to express gratitude, accept help, and encourage my husband to do things for himself I’ve noticed he is happier. Him being happier makes me happy too!

The post Caring for Your Caregiver first appeared on MS and Mo.

I remember feeling lonely at that time of my life so this invitation and experience had a significant impact on me.

Since that day I’ve made it a tradition in my home to have butternut squash soup and breadsticks for dinner on Halloween day.

The biggest difficulty I have with this recipe every time is that a butternut squash is INCREDIBLY HARD. I used to try to chop it in half and then cut the squash off the rind. I have since learned a magnificent trick.

PEEL the squash. It sounds crazy, and it takes a few passes with the peeler to get the outside off, but it works pretty well.

If you’re really going for simplicity though, I recommend buying the pre-cubed butternut squash. I peeled the squash and was surprised at how much effort it still took. I also nicked myself on the finger with the peeler.

Other tips:

• Microwave the garlic clove for 4 seconds and the peel will practically slide off.
• After cutting onions, rub hands on stainless steel under warm water to get rid of the onion smell.
• I used chicken broth rather than vegetable broth which added a nice flavor.
• After blending everything in my blender I added a splash of heavy whipping cream which made the soup extra velvety.

Dumbell Row

How to: Hold kettlebell or dumbbell in left hand and place your right hand and knee on a bench as seen in the picture.

Your back should be flat and your left elbow stays close to the body.

Hold your left arm straight.

Flex abs while pulling the weight up to where your elbow makes a 90 degree angle.

Lower the weight back to starting position.

Repeat 10 times on each side.

Image by Racool_studio on Freepik

The post 1 easy recipe + 1 simple exercise first appeared on MS and Mo.

You’re tired.

Feel sick.

Feel tired of feeling sick.

Each day you get to be a victim of your circumstance or to live life fully.

Some days you choose to live and other days you are left feeling like you never had a choice in the first place.

You can dislike what happens and still live fully. I’m not saying you won’t have bad days or that every problem can be solved with what I’m going to share. In fact, I have personal experience with mental illness and know there are times when we can’t solve things on our own.

The important thing is to have an upward trajectory. Everyone knows that old analogy that you take two steps forward and one step back. But you’re still moving forward.

We can still thrive and enjoy life when we are taking one step back.

But HOW?

My Grandma O is an incredible example of this. The final few years of her life she spent the majority of her time in bed. She spent that time watching educational YouTube videos, sending emails to family, or listening to inspiring music.

Grandma O didn’t simply “survive.” Instead she shows us how to thrive amidst discomfort or unpleasantness. Using her method, I will now offer you 3 ways to thrive in your life.

1- Quality time with those you love

Through the age of the COVID pandemic we learned the importance of spending time with others. There is extensive research done on the effect of loneliness on longevity as well as depression and anxiety.

This is all stressful. And stress increases inflammation. Which worsens anxiety and depression. Or, in the case of Multiple Sclerosis, escalates disease activity.

So to counteract that, invite someone you love to lunch. Or make a phone call. Or if that still seems like too much, send a text. In my experience, even watching videos of my daughter gives me a greater connection to her in that moment.

2- Spend time doing something you enjoy

As an individual with depression and anxiety that is exacerbated by an autoimmune disease, I frequently find myself wondering what, if anything, I enjoy doing. If you’re in a similar place, or even if you need a little more variety, here are some ideas.

• Go on a walk and take pictures of anything that catches your eye
• Draw something you’ve never drawn before
• Find a new recipe and listen to music while you’re in the kitchen. (Some of my favorite recipes are found here https://www.sixsistersstuff.com/ )
• Try kickboxing or zumba (There are a lot of great resources on Youtube. My favorite zumba classes are strong zumba classes. You can try one of those at this link https://www.youtube.com/@WeAreSTRONGNation )

The important thing to remember is that you don’t know if you enjoy doing something unless you have done it. So if nothing tickles your fancy, I dare you to try it anyways.

3- Enjoy the creativity of others

My Grandma was always listening to concerts on Youtube. She also loved family members performing for her or seeing artwork we had created.

I believe creativity is a divine gift from God. Acting on creativity or enjoying someone else’s creativity brings us greater connection spiritually with something greater than ourselves.

The next time you feel bogged down, try listening to music or looking at pictures of art. Pay attention to how you feel and keep an open mind. You can make an arsenal of creative inspiration to boost you up when you need it.

Grandma O smiled and laughed multiple times daily, and showed me that life is more than just something to be endured. In conclusion, use Grandma O’s 3 secrets to a happy life in spite of strife. Let me know what you try and how it affects you.

The post 3 Ways to Thrive in Spite of Pain first appeared on MS and Mo.

How can you combat this downward cycle?

Here are the things I’ve discovered that pull me out of the loop and into a space where my emotions are no longer controlling me.

1- Creative play

There’s something about creating that calms inner turmoil. Georges Braques, a twentieth century French artist, said:

“Art is a wound turned into light. “

https://samsfans.org/10-art-therapy-quotes-that-you-will-love/

When we are experiencing something uncomfortable, using that pain to trigger creative expression allows us to release that negative energy in a way that brings us joy and satisfaction.

The things I do most frequently are: coloring in adult coloring books, drawing, writing, and cooking. I want to get more involved with gardening and I plan to plant carrots and peas in the next few weeks. Do you have any ideas of ways to be creative? Share in the comments below, we all could use more ideas.

2- Physiological calming

Physiological calming is a fancy way of saying “take a chill pill.” Due to the connection between our mind and body, it gives us a straightforward approach to stress reduction.

When I’m getting caught up in the uncertainty involved with MS I find it helpful to focus on my breathing and consciously slow it down. Other strategies I have tried are: doing an exercise burst, splashing my face with water, stepping outside for fresh air, and smiling.

3- Distraction

Sometimes when your brain is in a tail spin you simply need to do something else. This is a strategy I recommend to be used carefully and conscientiously. It’s unhealthy to always distract yourself from uncomfortable experiences or emotions. In fact, avoidance can result in a bigger meltdown later on.

When I realize I need a little break from the charged emotions, I usually read a book. Some other things I have done: take a nap, play music, go on a walk, watch a funny Youtube video, or have a conversation with someone.

Again, napping all afternoon, watching videos about your condition or stressful world events, or blasting music in headphones while ignoring the world are not healthy ways to utilize distraction.

Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas to contribute. All are welcome!

The post Three Hacks to Reduce Stress in the Moment first appeared on MS and Mo.

 Currently I am taking a medication to help manage my fatigue. When I took it for the first time it was like a sparkling wave of energy rushing through my body. I felt like a super hero whose magical power involved walking and holding a baby. Unfortunately, I no longer feel the wave of super powers rushing into my body, but I can tell it’s still helping me. When I last talked to the nurse practitioner at the MS center where I am treated, she prescribed an additional medication to try.  I tried getting it at the pharmacy where she sent the script, but they told me it’s a specialty drug that you can’t find at a pharmacy. I tried calling the clinic a few times and through these attempts and a few conversations I was finally sent (via snail mail) a paper to fill out to receive a 90 day free trial of the medication. I then took it back to the clinic so a doctor could sign it and fax it to the drug company. I finally received the medication, and it has been helping. I’m not a fan of side effects though. Moral of the story: Medication can help, but it’s not the one way to rule them all.

2- True Rest

The second thing I have discovered is the power of true rest. When you have MS, you live unsure of how you will feel at any given point in time. As a result of this, I personally have experienced many a day when I push myself to do dishes, make food, carry the baby around, and some other chore before sitting down to allow my body to recuperate. When I get to this point I end up needing to lay down since sitting is still more exhausting than I feel capable of. The “rest” that I have discovered being best is to sit down and do something I enjoy (GUILT FREE) for 5 to 10 minutes. Guilt weighs you down and can be more fatiguing than ignoring your need for rest. 

3- Assistance

When I say “assistance,” I am talking about help from other people, organizations, or even tools that simplify tasks.  I have found that a reaching stick can be helpful when I’m cleaning up toys in the evening. Another life saver for me is having a chair in the kitchen. I sit down on that chair when cutting vegetables, making food on the stove, or even searching through the fridge. Choosing to sit down once doesn’t mean you will always have to sit down when you do these things. Each day is different, so listen to your body and allow yourself to get true rest.

The post Top 3 things to manage fatigue first appeared on MS and Mo.