My husband kindly tries to get our daughter to let him be the one to help her and he even goes so far as to put on a sweatshirt.

Alas, it’s no use. She snuggles up to my side (I’m currently sleeping with a wedge pillow because pregnancy has given me a wicked case of heartburn. So she is practically sitting up completely in order to be by me).

“Do you need to go potty?” I ask her this, as we always do, and she gives the usual response.

“No.”

So I lead her back to bed, lay on the mat we put on her floor, and hope she will fall asleep soon. She plops onto the mat by me and scoots so close that her face is in my face.

I open my eyes to check if there’s progress towards sleep, and she beams at me.

This happens night after night after night. In the past month, I believe we’ve had 1 uninterrupted night of sleep.

When you have a chronic illness, you NEED sleep. When you’re pregnant, you NEED sleep. Conclusion? I NEED SLEEP.

But I have also chosen to be a mom, and that comes with sacrifices.

The question is, where does sacrifice end and self-neglect begin?

I propose that rather than determining exactly where we are on that spectrum, we should instead focus on what we can control:

Taking care of ourselves!

So my night sleep is interrupted. I can take a nap the next day. (no, it REALLY doesn’t make up for it. But I can’t control if my daughter wakes up or not, and I CAN control if I take a nap).

I had extra chores and errands, and am exhausted. I can sit on the couch and play “tired mom games” with my daughter.

Things like this, taking control of what we can actually control, brings us a greater feeling of confidence and independence.

If instead I refuse to take a nap and spend that time muttering about my bad night of sleep, or I resent my daughter for wanting to play with me and can’t enjoy a moment of it, that brings my overall wellness and quality of life down. I’ve included the serenity prayer below because it perfectly illustrates what I’m talking about.

CHOOSE to take better care of yourself in the small, seemingly insignificant moments.

I have two handouts and a free e-book that help simplify different ways to take care of yourself.

If you need help improving your sleep, click here.

If you want some simplification tips on meal prep, click here.

If you want a free ebook detailing how to reach a more peaceful life, click here.

The post Take Back Control of Your Life For More Joy first appeared on MS and Mo.

“Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation.”

— John Ortberg

Gratitude is the practice of thankfulness. Thankfulness is in the present moment while gratitude is more all encompassing and longer lasting. In fact, I like to think of the difference being that gratitude is an action we take, while thankfulness is an emotion we feel.

This topic is something that is harped on often enough that it can seem tiring at times. That in and of itself tells us that this is something important that we can’t ignore.

Benefits

There are three benefits to gratitude that I wanted to focus on, with the understanding that there are many, many more benefits that I’m not talking about. Check out my sources if you’d like to see some more comprehensive lists.

1- Gratitude Improves Physical Health

Grateful people report fewer illnesses, pains, and sleep better. They exercise more often which improves heart health and overall wellbeing. Gratitude also reduces the amount of cortisol, the stress hormone, in the body. Stress increases inflammation and overall worsens almost any illness.

2-Gratitude Improves Mental Strength

An article in Psychology Today mentions that Vietnam War veterans who practice gratitude actually report fewer PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms. Gratitude also results in greater resilience.

3-Gratitude Improves Mood

Gratitude decreases feelings of depression, resentment, and envy. It increases feelings of happiness, contentment, and awareness of others.

Source 1, 2, 3

How to Practice Gratitude

So now that we know why we should bring gratitude into our lives, how do we do it? Here are a few ideas.

• Keep a gratitude journal where you write a few things daily
• Send thank you notes regularly to people you know
• Express gratitude in the moment (either in your head or verbally)
• Meditate upon the good things in your life

Conclusion

Gratitude is something that can change our lives for the better. Most importantly to remember is that gratitude is a PRACTICE. It’s not something you can perfect overnight. Part of the benefit of gratitude comes from the effort it takes to change and retrain our minds.

Try one of these ideas and let me know in the comments how it went.

The post 3 Benefits of Practicing Gratitude first appeared on MS and Mo.

Clinical Depression is on the rampage. In fact, of people with autoimmune diseases 50% have depression or anxiety! 50! Depression has also markedly increased among the general population in the wake of the COVID 19 pandemic getting up to 29% prevalence.

What is it?

The Webster’s Dictionary defines depression as:

“a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way.”

While that definition is okay, it doesn’t quite grasp the wide reach depression can have on all aspects of life and behavior.

To define depression I prefer to look at what symptoms people may experience when dealing with clinical depression.

Common Symptoms

• feeling sad, irritable, on edge, angry, or numb
• passivity and loss of interest in activities
• appetite/weight changes (this could be eating more than usual OR eating less than usual)
• sleep changes (increased or decreased levels of sleep as well as difficulty falling or staying asleep)
• decrease in energy levels, lethargy
• ongoing feelings of worthlessness and guilt
• difficulty making decisions
• thoughts of death or suicide or harmful behaviors (If you are currently struggling with suicidal thoughts or behaviors please call the suicide hotline at 988. You are not alone, I believe in you.)

If you experience depression you may feel all of these things, have a few, or face things I haven’t even included on the list.

Clinically speaking, you must have these things for at least 2 weeks before being diagnosed.

My Experience

Depression is something that I have dealt with for most of my life. In high school I found myself often feeling alone even amidst many friends and family.

I was diagnosed my first year of college after a particularly bad few months involving compulsive movie/TV watching, weight gain, and very low mood.

In Multiple Sclerosis, the autoimmune disease I have, there is a 40% prevalence of depression amongst patients. One reason for this is because it’s difficult to accept that you have a crippling disease. The bigger reason is that damage to your brain causes depressive symptoms. This is something shown by traumatic brain injuries.

Help

There ARE things that will help. In my experience it is a constant battle, but one that is worth fighting. Here are some things that have helped me.

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Therapy of any kind is often helpful
• Medication
• Exercise
• A healthy diet
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
• Meditation
• Blue light therapy

There are many other things out there that can be beneficial, but there are also things that can be harmful. Any kind of numbing behavior be it drugs, alcohol, food, or media worsens depression in the long run.

If you are struggling and need a listening ear or help finding a good therapist I am here for you. Reach out to me at msandmo123@gmail.com and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

The post Depression Does Not Mean There is No Hope first appeared on MS and Mo.

Meditation is the practice of focusing your attention with the goal of bringing calm, energy, and awareness.

Let me first tell the how of meditation and then we’ll go into the why — I will cover those 5 health benefits I mentioned in the title.

How to meditate

The most common practice of meditation is to choose a place to quietly sit, without outside distractions, and redirect your attention to one thing. Some people focus on their breath while others choose to focus on an object or a word/phrase.

Another meditation method is while performing a repetitive task or moving in a slow controlled manner i.e. during yoga or tai chi (source).

The method you choose doesn’t matter. The thing that is important is the actual practicing. Remember that your mind will inevitably wander. Bring yourself back to your chosen focus. The act of refocusing your attention and leaning towards peace stretches the brain and allows your body to feel more at ease.

Let me now tell you why it matters.

Health benefits of meditation

Meditation has many health benefits and I am choosing to highlight only 5 of them. At the end of this post I included 3 sources that you can view if you’re interested in learning about additional health benefits.

These benefits are:

1. Stress Reduction (Link to when I talked about the effect of stress on inflammation)
2. Decreased impact and frequency of anxious thoughts
3. Improved mental performance
4. Stronger immune system
5. Better sleep as well as having a simpler time getting out of bed in the morning.

To bring it all together, there are many benefits of even 5 minutes of meditation a day. I know that when I meditate regularly I am less irritable and am better able to experience joy. But don’t just take my word for it. Try it yourself. Take a minimum of 10 seconds today to bring your attention to your breath and see how it makes you feel.

Source 1, Source 2, Source 3

The post 5 Health Benefits of 5 Minutes of Meditation first appeared on MS and Mo.

Once upon a time there was a young peasant living in a small village. Every day he walked a certain path, sprinkled oats for the ducks, and walked back home. One day as he was walking the path, a small rock lay where he was about to step. Unfortunately, he didn’t see the rock and it caused his ankle to twist making him fall. His oats spilled across the path and he scuffed his hand and knee.

He was immediately irate and slammed his hand on the ground in frustration.

“Why do these things always happen to me?” he thought.

For the rest of the day his mind replayed the event and he became increasingly angry at the unfairness. He began to notice more unfair treatment and used it as fuel for his cyclic thoughts: the baker must have given him the smallest loaf of bread on purpose, his friend didn’t warn him about the horse dung before he stepped in it, etc. He became more and more bitter.

Rewind

Let’s go back to the moment after he scuffed his knee.

He was immediately irate and slammed his hand on the ground in frustration.

“Well that was lousy,” he thought.

For the rest of the day if the event came to mind he rolled his eyes and was grateful it wasn’t worse. He began to notice that other people had inconveniences as well: the baker ran out of flour and needed to send his apprentice to get more, a child stubbed her toe, etc. He became more and more grateful.

Purpose

What is the difference here? Although there are a lot of similarities (i.e. The peasant tripped in both stories, got frustrated, and remembered the bad thing that happened), there was one key difference. His perception and thoughts about the event.

Despite this being an incredibly silly story it illustrates the point I’m trying to make. We all experience hard things and feel difficult emotions. The difference lies in how we perceive and think of the events, or our attitudes towards them.

Choosing resilient and positive thoughts can lead to:

• Increased life span
• Lower rates of depression
• Lower levels of distress and pain
• Greater resistance to illnesses
• Improved psychological and physical well-being
• Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease and stroke
• Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress

(source) This link also includes ways to recognize your negative thoughts.

I frequently feel unwell, and actually am in a bout of the stomach flu currently. It’s too easy to feel hopeless, search for someone or something to blame, and become depressed and angry. My most common method of dealing with these moments is the powerful tool of DISTRACTION. If I absorb myself in something, I can no longer dwell on how I feel or what I can do.

In the context of our peasant story that could be him distracting himself by cheering up the child who stubbed her toe. The way we perceive an event and our inner dialogue about it has a powerful influence on us. Try re-writing one of the stories you’ve been tell yourself. Let me know how it goes in the comments.

The post The Stories We Tell Ourselves first appeared on MS and Mo.

The things I share today are from the view of the person who is sick or needing a caregiver. There are a lot of other resources for the actual caregiver like this, this, this, and this. There are not as many resources for what the caregivee (probably not a real word) can do to help. 

The things I will specifically mention are accepting the help, expressing gratitude, and encouraging them (the caregiver) to do things for themselves.

Accept the Help

It’s difficult to not be able to do everything yourself. It’s frustrating, annoying, and inconvenient. The truth is that there is nothing you can do about needing help. 

Firstly, all human beings need help. Secondly, as a chronically sick individual we WILL need more help. When I try to fight against being assisted it not only creates a lot of tension, but also makes the helper feel like helping you is a bad thing to be doing. 

Expressing gratitude

Saying thank you is a small way to improve relationships and it has health benefits as well! Some of these health benefits are a decrease in depression/anxiety, increasing heart health, and improvement of sleep. (source) 

Ways to practice gratitude: Verbally say thank you and write notes. You can also write in a gratitude journal, but that’s more for you than your caregiver.

Encourage time away

It’s vital for caregivers to get time to do things for themselves. If they pour themselves into the duties of taking care of someone and never allow breaks they can end up with “caregiver fatigue.” (source)

Once someone has entered the caregiver burnout stage it is more difficult and takes more time to recover than if they did things to take care of themselves all along.

Recognize that this point is to ENCOURAGE them to take time away. You can’t force anyone to take care of themselves or to do things in general.

Conclusion

These are things you can recommend anyone (including yourself) do. As I’ve made an effort to express gratitude, accept help, and encourage my husband to do things for himself I’ve noticed he is happier. Him being happier makes me happy too!

The post Caring for Your Caregiver first appeared on MS and Mo.

Let us first decide what counts as a hobby. It seems ridiculous to define something that everyone “knows” the definition of. But for the sake of those people who try to count chores as hobbies, we will define a hobby as follows:

A purposeful activity done regularly that brings one pleasure.

Mental health really does improve when you participate in hobbies, and if you don’t believe it I challenge you to give it a try! Later in this post I’ll give a few ideas of things that you can do but for now let’s dive into the mental health benefits of hobbies.

Benefits of Hobbies

1- Decreased Stress/Improved Physical Health:

Participating regularly in activities you enjoy decreases cortisol, the stress hormone, and improves heart health. More than just reducing the feelings of stress, decreasing cortisol also decreases inflammation which in turn reduces flares of your illness. (https://www.healthcentral.com/chronic-health/health-benefits-of-hobbies )

Depending on the activity of your choice, it could also improve physical fitness, coordination, and innovative thinking. 

2- Enhanced Relationships:

Another benefit of hobbies is that they can increase your ability to talk to others. Having something to discuss other than your health can be just enough of a break to reset your medical tolerance and automatically draws people to you due to your passion. (“The Empowered Woman”). 

An additional way that hobbies enhance relationships takes a little extra effort on your part. Hobbies give you a chance to meet other people with similar interests. There is a strong connection between positive relationships and lower rates of anxiety and depression. (https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/Strong-relationships-strong-health) Giving a nice double whammy to health AND relationships.

3- Increased Life Satisfaction:

When you live with a chronic illness you are unable to wait until you feel better to live your life. On my hardest days I have a hard time focusing on much of anything except how horrible I feel. One thing I’ve found that helps is spending even a short amount of time doing something I enjoy. This makes the nastiest days a little less nasty. With a chronic condition we must learn to live well WITH our illness. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5507015/) When we learn to do this we will truly be able to feel satisfaction about the life we are living.

Making time for hobbies

But I don’t have time for x,y, or z. I’m using what time I have to manage my illness and feel selfish taking more time just to do something fun. I don’t know what to try, it’s been too long since I’ve had a hobby. 

All of these are thoughts that I have regularly and will likely continue having as long as I have a chronic disease and am a mother. A.K.A. forevermore. 

Here are a few ways to prioritize/fit in hobbies:

• 5 minute spurts: a hobby doesn’t need to take hours for it to “count.” Even participating in something for a short amount of time each day has loads of benefits.
• Choose a hobby that has to do with what you already spend time doing. My mom told me that when my siblings and I were growing up she would take us to the library so she could get a book on something like baking bread, and then when we were home she would have the resources to do it. Example: playing with a toddler-hobby could be building cool towers and taking pictures of them. 

Hobby ideas

For those of you who simply cannot come up with something that seems remotely interesting to try, I have compiled a list and hopefully something seems interesting to you on it.

1. Painting
2. Drawing
3. Dancing
4. Singing
5. Playing an instrument
6. Organizing
7. Walking
8. Lifting weights
9. Playing solitaire
10. Writing
11. Reading
12. Playing soccer
13. Yoga
14. DIY crafting
15. Home refurbishing
16. Interior design
17. Photography

I found a blog called localadventurer.com and they have a post compiling 101 different hobbies you can try! Find that article at this link.

In conclusion, hobbies can change your mind! Let me know what you decide to try.

The post How Hobbies Can Change Your Mind first appeared on MS and Mo.

You’re tired.

Feel sick.

Feel tired of feeling sick.

Each day you get to be a victim of your circumstance or to live life fully.

Some days you choose to live and other days you are left feeling like you never had a choice in the first place.

You can dislike what happens and still live fully. I’m not saying you won’t have bad days or that every problem can be solved with what I’m going to share. In fact, I have personal experience with mental illness and know there are times when we can’t solve things on our own.

The important thing is to have an upward trajectory. Everyone knows that old analogy that you take two steps forward and one step back. But you’re still moving forward.

We can still thrive and enjoy life when we are taking one step back.

But HOW?

My Grandma O is an incredible example of this. The final few years of her life she spent the majority of her time in bed. She spent that time watching educational YouTube videos, sending emails to family, or listening to inspiring music.

Grandma O didn’t simply “survive.” Instead she shows us how to thrive amidst discomfort or unpleasantness. Using her method, I will now offer you 3 ways to thrive in your life.

1- Quality time with those you love

Through the age of the COVID pandemic we learned the importance of spending time with others. There is extensive research done on the effect of loneliness on longevity as well as depression and anxiety.

This is all stressful. And stress increases inflammation. Which worsens anxiety and depression. Or, in the case of Multiple Sclerosis, escalates disease activity.

So to counteract that, invite someone you love to lunch. Or make a phone call. Or if that still seems like too much, send a text. In my experience, even watching videos of my daughter gives me a greater connection to her in that moment.

2- Spend time doing something you enjoy

As an individual with depression and anxiety that is exacerbated by an autoimmune disease, I frequently find myself wondering what, if anything, I enjoy doing. If you’re in a similar place, or even if you need a little more variety, here are some ideas.

• Go on a walk and take pictures of anything that catches your eye
• Draw something you’ve never drawn before
• Find a new recipe and listen to music while you’re in the kitchen. (Some of my favorite recipes are found here https://www.sixsistersstuff.com/ )
• Try kickboxing or zumba (There are a lot of great resources on Youtube. My favorite zumba classes are strong zumba classes. You can try one of those at this link https://www.youtube.com/@WeAreSTRONGNation )

The important thing to remember is that you don’t know if you enjoy doing something unless you have done it. So if nothing tickles your fancy, I dare you to try it anyways.

3- Enjoy the creativity of others

My Grandma was always listening to concerts on Youtube. She also loved family members performing for her or seeing artwork we had created.

I believe creativity is a divine gift from God. Acting on creativity or enjoying someone else’s creativity brings us greater connection spiritually with something greater than ourselves.

The next time you feel bogged down, try listening to music or looking at pictures of art. Pay attention to how you feel and keep an open mind. You can make an arsenal of creative inspiration to boost you up when you need it.

Grandma O smiled and laughed multiple times daily, and showed me that life is more than just something to be endured. In conclusion, use Grandma O’s 3 secrets to a happy life in spite of strife. Let me know what you try and how it affects you.

The post 3 Ways to Thrive in Spite of Pain first appeared on MS and Mo.

I have heard people ask the question: “What would I do if I had no fear?” This question can be valuable in helping you learn what you are avoiding and what your dreams are. I prefer to ask it this way: “What would I do if I was no longer controlled by fear?”

When we acknowledge and accept fear or discomfort, we limit its power. I learned this concept from working at a treatment center that addresses anxiety disorders through exposure therapy.

So what am I afraid of? What can I practice doing in the midst of being afraid to reduce the limitations that I have allowed fear to have on my life?

I could now go into extensive detail on all the things I am afraid of, but instead I’m going to leave it there. Think about what you fear. What limits have you allowed fear to set for you? Are you willing to do one thing you’ve been avoiding because of fear or discomfort?

The post Fear or no fear? first appeared on MS and Mo.

How can you combat this downward cycle?

Here are the things I’ve discovered that pull me out of the loop and into a space where my emotions are no longer controlling me.

1- Creative play

There’s something about creating that calms inner turmoil. Georges Braques, a twentieth century French artist, said:

“Art is a wound turned into light. “

https://samsfans.org/10-art-therapy-quotes-that-you-will-love/

When we are experiencing something uncomfortable, using that pain to trigger creative expression allows us to release that negative energy in a way that brings us joy and satisfaction.

The things I do most frequently are: coloring in adult coloring books, drawing, writing, and cooking. I want to get more involved with gardening and I plan to plant carrots and peas in the next few weeks. Do you have any ideas of ways to be creative? Share in the comments below, we all could use more ideas.

2- Physiological calming

Physiological calming is a fancy way of saying “take a chill pill.” Due to the connection between our mind and body, it gives us a straightforward approach to stress reduction.

When I’m getting caught up in the uncertainty involved with MS I find it helpful to focus on my breathing and consciously slow it down. Other strategies I have tried are: doing an exercise burst, splashing my face with water, stepping outside for fresh air, and smiling.

3- Distraction

Sometimes when your brain is in a tail spin you simply need to do something else. This is a strategy I recommend to be used carefully and conscientiously. It’s unhealthy to always distract yourself from uncomfortable experiences or emotions. In fact, avoidance can result in a bigger meltdown later on.

When I realize I need a little break from the charged emotions, I usually read a book. Some other things I have done: take a nap, play music, go on a walk, watch a funny Youtube video, or have a conversation with someone.

Again, napping all afternoon, watching videos about your condition or stressful world events, or blasting music in headphones while ignoring the world are not healthy ways to utilize distraction.

Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas to contribute. All are welcome!

The post Three Hacks to Reduce Stress in the Moment first appeared on MS and Mo.